Having Guilt is an Indication You Are a Good Parent
First off, I truly believe just the fact that you have “mom guilt” to start with makes you a good parent. It’s the moms and/or dads who literally have no guilt at all are the ones I question. Do they think they are perfect? There is no such thing. Maybe they just aren’t conscious there are any problems. If you are reading this an feel “mom guilt” or “dad guilt” or any kind of parental guilt, I congratulate you on your self awareness.
Fact: We are not Perfect as Human Beings. We Will Make Mistakes (as parents) and that’s Okay.
I really feel that we are all going to make mistakes in parenting.
My parents did.
I will too.
Just being conscious of the fact that we will make errors is what’s important. In fact, it’s more than okay. It’s the first step in the right direction.
Just being conscious is really the first step in fixing anything.
The lightbulb we don’t notice will never be replaced. If you aren’t even aware of things you do or say and how that might affect your children, then obviously there will be no fixing it because you can’t even see what’s broke!
The Most Common Guilt of Single Moms is Leaving a Bad Relationship
Sometimes we must make difficult decisions as parents. And as single moms, oftentimes we make many decisions alone.
It’s a huge responsibility to raise a child on our own. Although. I have met women who have not found the right partner and have chosen the single motherhood path as they were at an age where it was “just time”.
Most single moms wouldn’t have chosen this path. Most of us have been raised to believe in the “white picket fence” dream. Unfortunately, this isn’t reality for many.
We’ve all heard of that belief of continuing to be in a awful relationship “for the sake of the child“.
Please don’t feel guilty about choosing to leave a toxic relationship. That decision is life saving not only for you, but for your children as well. They are the ones you are saving from witnessing arguing and/or seeing an otherwise unhealthy relationship play out.
There’s Strength to be Learned in Choosing to be a Single Parent
You are constantly modeling for your kids. Even if it’s you being single and independent. They will see your strength and know their mom can do anything on her own. And perhaps more importantly, they will know they can do anything on their own as well.
I understand that the fear of the unknown is what it is. Fear. I can honestly say I was scared to be alone at first. My baby was less than a year old and I was aggressively fighting cancer at the time I chose to breakup with my child’s father.
But toxicity in a relationship is very real. And choosing to walk from it is the healthiest thing I ever did.
“My heart broke a little for you when you said your child’s father was moving out,” my friend recently admitted to me.
It’s been 3 years out of the toughest year of my life (2020) and it’s all now hindsight. So she’s talking to me from that perspective as well. Hindsight.
“But actually, now, I see how it turned out. I can see that it was all for the best for you. You are so much happier without him”.
There’s so much in that statement. It’s a little bit sad, but also a bit optimistic. And foremost, it’s nothing but the truth.
Mom Guilt Over Dirty Dishes: Don’t Stress over the Mess
The Organizing Guru Marie Kondo has stated that since having 3 kids, she has now relaxed into her messy house.
This is great news! Because if someone as neat and tidy as Marie Kondo can succumb to the messiness that children bring… we should all relax as well.
Leave those messy rooms alone and let go of the guilt with it.
Although of course I clean, I’ve also accepted the fact that I have a child now. My house will not ever be immaculate for many more years. And that’s alright with me.
Why Is Self Care a Guilty pleasure for Moms?
I’ve noticed the worst type of “mom guilt” I personally feel (and really shouldn’t) are in those moments I take for myself.
Whether it’s leaving her with my parents and getting away for a few hours to do something for myself (and most of the time it’s a trip to the grocery store or a doctor’s appointment).
Or even taking a few minutes to get on my cell phone (and therefore not being fully “present” with my baby in this moment).
I admit I do feel guilty. Which is bizarre.
Those moments of “getting away” should be savored and acknowledged to be an important part of self care.
It is no longer something I feel “guilty” about. It’s all about filling my cup so my baby can drink.
Remember 2 savor every moment. Even (especially) those moments to yourself.
