Child Safety Tips for Parents: Trigger Warning! This article is about combatting childhood sexual abuse. Including true stories in the media. If this triggers you in any way, I ask you to look within to find out why it would. Please talk to a professional if this is an issue.
There is No Such Thing as “Over” protection
Before I had a child myself, I worked briefly for county Child Protective Services. Because of this experience, I hope to help parents better arm themselves with how to protect their children.
I want to be clear that when it comes to children there is NO such thing as overprotection. We are the only form of defense young children have.
Some quick statistics on childhood sexual abuse from the CDC: 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 13 boys have experienced sexual abuse in the US. Many times these numbers are not completely accurate (especially in regard to boys) as they tend to under report their experiences. In 91% of cases, the abuser was known and trusted by the child and the child’s family.
Tips and Ideas for Child Safety for Parents
- Nanny cams are a good idea. Thank goodness for modern technology. There are some decent cameras out there for relatively modest prices and plans. I have some in my place, and I let visitors know that I have cameras “everywhere but the restroom”.
- Thorough background checks on child care providers They should have been live scanned/fingerprinted for clear criminal records. Understand that just because someone is clear of having never been convicted of a crime doesn’t mean they are not still a threat. It just means they have never been caught. Yet and still, make sure they have a clean record and references.
- Talking to your child about body parts and what is “appropriate behavior”. At three years old, I have taught my toddler the names of ALL of her body parts including the vagina and butt. We talk on a routine basis that no one is to touch her in those areas and what’s more no one is to have her touch them in those areas. Not only is touching a big “no no” but looking at those is a big “no no” as well. At this age, it seems that she understands what I am saying. It’s just a normal conversation and I’m not embarrassed to talk about these things and neither is she. Although it can be an uncomfortable conversation for some, it doesn’t have to be!
- Teaching children self defense/martial arts is a good idea. My daughter is an only child and a female. It is very important to me personally that she learns self defense techniques from a young age. Most martial arts studios don’t start kids until around the age of five. I consider these classes to be just as necessary to learn as swimming and definitely more of a priority than soccer or dancer or some other extracurricular activity.
Stranger Danger: Beware of “Not a Stranger” Danger
Actress Pamela Anderson talks of being molested as a child in her new autobiography/documentary Pamela: A Love Story. When she was a young girl, she was molested for three years by a female babysitter that her parents trusted.
Unfortunately, this is an all too common scenario. Statistics show that a child is more likely be molested by someone they know than some creepy stranger. We are all mindful of the weirdo hanging around at the park. But often it’s the person you know and trust (sometimes even a blood relative) who is the real villain.
Single Parents Should be Especially Vigilant
Be advised that single parents (specifically mothers) are often targeted by predators. Case in point is the story of convicted child molester/predator Jerry Sandusky. At first glance, he was a revered college football coach and married man who seemed to care about children. He would create kids’ football camps/charities for kids in need.
Single moms were more than happy when Sandusky took an interest in their sons. They trusted this man and were relieved that their sons would have a “positive male figure” in their life. Sandusky would often groom (give gifts or show special attention) to both the child and the parent(s) in order to garner trust, Unfortunately, this is not
It has come out that the late great singer Whitney Houston was molested by her older cousin as a child. The maternal cousin apparently molested Whitney and her brother for years. Whitney’s mother Cissy Houston was a backup singer for many famous people and would often be out on tour. Her father was also gone a lot.
The divorced parents ended up leaving Whitney and her brothers with different family members they trusted. Nobody would suspect a blood relative and further a female blood relative to molest children. Unfortunately, this is real life and it happens and can happen to anyone.
Think about Age/Abilities when Protecting Your Child
There are levels of how much protection a child will need according to their age/ability.. For instance, a young baby who is not talking, is at greatest risk and much greater than say a pre pubescent child that talks, A young baby isn’t able to verbalize things that might be going on so it is important that parents are extra aware of who is around their baby. I understand that not everyone has the luxury of staying with their baby at all times. Awareness is key and there are some things I personally implement to ensure safety.
In my personal opinion, there is no over protection when it comes to the safety of my child. She isn’t able to protect herself so I need to with my fullest ability. I do hope that as she grows that she will learn how to defend and protect herself. My hope is she will one day be self sufficient and independent and that includes being able to protect herself.
Tips and Ideas for Child Safety for Parents
- Nanny cams are a good idea. Thank goodness for modern technology. There are some decent cameras out there for relatively modest prices and plans. I have some in my place, and I let visitors know that I have cameras “everywhere but the restroom”.
- Thorough background checks on child care providers They should have been live scanned/fingerprinted for clear criminal records. Understand that just because someone is clear of having never been convicted of a crime doesn’t mean they are not still a threat. It just means they have never been caught. Yet and still, make sure they have a clean record and references.
- Talking to your child about body parts and what is “appropriate behavior”. At three years old, I have taught my toddler the names of ALL of her body parts including the vagina and butt. We talk on a routine basis that no one is to touch her in those areas and what’s more no one is to have her touch them in those areas. Not only is touching a big “no no” but looking at those is a big “no no” as well. At this age, it seems that she understands what I am saying. It’s just a normal conversation and I’m not embarrassed to talk about these things and neither is she.
- Teaching my child martial arts/self defense is important to me. She’s an only child and a female. It is very important to me personally that she learns self defense techniques from a young age. Most martial arts studios don’t start kids until around the age of five. I consider these classes to be just as necessary to learn as swimming and definitely more of a priority than soccer or dancer or some other extracurricular activity.
Awareness is Key but Being Overly Paranoid is Not
If it wasn’t for my time working for Child Protective Services, I probably wouldn’t be as knowledgable about what goes on in the world. It sad but also a reality of life. I recently had a conversation with a friend in Ohio who is a first time mom. She said she had never thought about matters such as sexual abuse. I advised that awareness is key yet implored her not to be overly paranoid about everyone. Once again, I think that the middle road or balanced road is the way to go.
I plan on continuing to talk about these matters with my child openly and with no shame and embarrassment. The older she gets, the more important it should be to talk about these things, She not only has to be wary of adults but other kids her age or older as she grows.
The best way to combat risk is frank and open conversations. Good ideas for conversations might include talking about possible scenarios and also “what should she do in that situation”.
Be advised that in cases of molestation, the molester will start with seeming “innocent” touching or tickling and then escalate the touching. Molestation can carry on for months or years if the child says nothing. This can be nipped in the bud so to speak with open communication with their parents.
With proper education for both you and your child, it is my hope that this will never happen to your family.
Other resources for more tips and ideas on how to keep your kids safe: www.preventchildabuse.org. Please contact your local police department if you suspect child abuse of any child.
